I finally find the ideal candidate for head of R&D and what happens? He's already a "guest" of @mrcessna. Negotiations began: but as always we hit a snag, when his reasonable demands for penguins, involve @olsenHalkier heading off in the 107 for Oslo Zoo, only to find out that they don't fit in the boot. Further complications ensued when some operatives in Blighty set off for London Zoo - only to find that the keepers were in the middle of their annual count and weighing. It's going to be tough getting our quarry out without them noticing. I have offered a giant turtle as a temporary peace offering. But all @mrcessna asks is - is he tall enough? He's a damned giant turtle, for crying out loud.
In happier news, trusty Ally - @Poringlandoak has made contact with @fordthecat. Secret handshakes were exchanged and our ally -the pub - tells me that plans have been issued for the forthcoming #operationbankholidayweekend - Real Ale Festival. It is a shame that representatives from HQ can't make this event. We have an operative coming back from a long jaunt in Moldova weekend. A pinata party has been organised. And 007 has been invited to reprise his role as the Pinata
Continuing the good news. I notice that @corvusfluff has found a new 2:IC for the flying division. I worry that my Head of Flying Division will go all soft on us, but apparently Head of Flying tells me she'll be fine.
I'm not overly sure when my Head of the Flying Division had a sex change. If indeed she did? @CaptainLimey did you take the memo (sorry TOP SECRET DON'T LOOK) on this? Fortunately @pozicle tells me we have it all under control - WHATEVER THAT MEANS!
Talking of mislaying things we have real issues here at HQ as the Plans for world domination went missing for a while. @mustardsupercat tells me that we left them in the washing machine. Seems somebody thought I meant wash them when I actually asked for them to be laundered through the system. Heads have rolled I assure you. Fortunately, our continually reliable Ally @DrBizzarro informs me there is a copy of them on the pen drive, I lent him which apparently also has our Leonard Cohen collection. So that's another crisis averted. Which is useful because - as usual @fordthecat was scouring the litter trays, on the assumption that that they would turn up there.
And talking of averting a crisis, I have an announcement to make:
We have successfully infilitrated the Men in Black Organisation...
Until next time
Rover and Out
Apparently our irrational and (dare I say it?) temperamental internet issue was caused by "water in the wires". No I've never heard of that either. And I read the Memos (sorry
TOP SECRET DO NOT READ - yes that means you @captainlimey)
The
Operative from the Internet Company seemed surprised by the level of water in the wires and the degree of damage it had done in such a short time. To his suprise, I was not alarmed by the amount of water. Well, we are at the Underwater base at the moment. Still to his credit the Operative donned
his wet suit and went out and sorted the problem!
Hopefully, we will not see him again.
We did, however, have an unexpected Johnny turn up at HQ trying to persuade me that he could do us a better deal on our energy bills.
It took quite a bit to convince him that here at #SPECTRE we don't need to worry about energy bills because we have our own wind farm on Mars. I'm not sure he believed us, but before we fed him to the head of the Underwater Divisions pet tiger we did show him the view of said farm.
Never let it be said that SPECTRE is an uncaring organisation!
Still, with the internet back working. We can get back to our plans to take over the world.
I would like to mention @pozicle in this despatch. This Operative - has done stirling service this week, and has saved Training a lot of money and time by finding Operative and Flying Division manuals already written for us. I give you the links - for those of you currently undertaking this training
http://user.xmission.com/~emailbox/catrules.htm
http://www.paw-talk.net/forums/f61/parrot-rules-15029.html
May I remind Operatives that they must not mix these rules up - or let them get into enemy hands!
Otherwise, heads will roll!
Well it has been a busy day - two blog postings and two visitors to HQ - so Allies and Operatives, you will forgive me if I go lie down.
Until next time
Rover and Out
Can anyone explain to me how you are supposed to plan world domination and all that goes with it, without the internet?
I know from conversations with fellow dictators - most notably - @notsogreatdictator that grants used to be available in the old days, and @drbizzarro seems to do much of his business on something called the never never. But I'm finding it increasingly difficult to function without access to google.
And what makes it worse is that I have Operatives who don't read their memos. Who tell me they didn't get to where they are today by reading memos - and that memos are for squares.
So net or no net I have renamed memos "TOP SECRET - DON'T READ" on the grounds that most nefarious organisations and spies can't resit a top secret don't read stamp or sticker!
Fortunately those nice broadband people are sending their top operative to solve #SPECTRE's problems. So normal service should be resumed as soon as possible.Unless...
Ooh horrible thought.... I hope their operatives read their memos.
If they don't? - HEADS WILL ROLL!!
I will admit, I didn't expect Operatives to take to the Olympics in the way that they have. And from the deathly silence that has assailed us all at HQ - Operatives and Allies alike are mourning its passing.
I have ordered the following photos to be released from Archives, for your delectation and edification. To start a brief overview of the sports we have learned so much about in the last 17 days. we here at Spectre hope this helps your training, for the paralympics and RIO 2016
For those of you who are still confused by the diving, this Operative shows you why young Tom Daley hasn't yet got Gold in this event. Notice the beautiful straight paws, the arched back, the extented tail. And I can assure you this cat has no intention of diving out of his skin as those humans were wont to..
Some Operatives admitted that they have been worried by lack of news from the Librarian. Fortunately we can lay these worries to bed with these two snaps. As you can see our Ally from Unseen University has been spending his time coaching teams for the badminton and parallel bars
on a final note. We're not totally sure our allies the Dragons have quite got the hang of the Olympics - they're supposed to be competing not being the boats... Mind you I think they have Silver and Bronze wrapped up...
Until next time
As always -
Rover and Out
You can have no idea how difficult it can be at the top! The pressure is never ending, especially when you're dealing with many allies of different species. Fortunately, I was reminded of my university days with a photograph found by my old sparring partner, the Librarian. He obviously remembers the incident with the transmat machine more fondly than I do, but at least it lightened the mood for a brief moment..
Recent weeks, you see, have seen us negotiating with the Daleks - in the guise of @HolyDalek and @insomniacDalek. A mistake, I hear some of you say, but when needs must the devil drives. And unfortunately the need most certainly "musted". There was no way we could have achieved a successful operation against the Penguins without them. Though part of me does wonder whether we would have needed them - had it not been for the initial - and quite frankly pernicious, (do i mean that?) - persistence of Head of Nordic Division - @OlsenHalkier, who single-handedly took on the might of their feathery badness, until the rest of us realised how seriously we needed to take his warnings. I will admit, it wasn't until I saw this recent surveillance shot that I took Head of Nordic Division seriously, and moved away from worrying about the continuing issues here at HQ.
But, alas this interesting interlude was but that - an interlude.
And so to the ongoing saga of R&D. 
Those of you with keen minds and long memories will recall that after a run in with our ally Ming the Merciless - or as he is more commonly known, @DrBizarro, I put the word out that I felt it was time #SPECTRE invested more heavily in underwater equipment. Alas, when I said I was looking to buy a submarine, I was hoping for something more like this futuristic little number not the initial offering from R&D. (see top picture.) So, I asked them to go back to the drawing board and come up with something more suitable There are times, I really don't know why I bother.... Does this look suitable? No I didn't think so either.
Remember Boys, no job here at #SPECTRE is a secure one, you can so easily be replaced.
At least @sharpe has been paying attention and made a sensible offering for us to consider when purchasing our new underwater equipment.
I'm sure R&D are in cahoots with Accounts. Which is sad - we need visionaries not pen- pushers and fuddy duddies in charge of R&D... But it seems I am likely to be waiting for sometime for the ideal chap for the job.
As of time of writing, no one has been able to track down my ideal candidate... trust me none of the CV's as yet received are suitable...
Perhaps I should be grateful for the diversion provided by the Olympics. It certainly has been interesting to see the humans versions of our most athletic creations - the dash into the room then stare meaningfully, the hop skip and flop and synchronised sleeping remain popular amongst operatives. It is also heartening to know that @calliemund have excelled at the synchronised stare. @Carolkirkwood contacted #SPECTRE for help with her ironing pile, but I'm not sure our extreme ironing team was what she had in mind. When I explained that cat extreme ironing involved sleeping on the pile and success was judged by whether the pile stayed put, she laughed. Really! There are times I'm glad I'm a megalomaniac cat bent on world domination. You humans need our guidance more and more each day.
Well, we would be able to take over if some operatives knew the difference between Cress and IPCRESS! An off the cuff remark from UCC - @hutchinsondave, led to @goosetreerocks making me realise that you just can't take anything for granted. But this was nothing compared to the revelation that #SPECTRE has not only lost its collective dressing gown, but at the moment doesn't even know where its towel is... @pozicle and @lillieputian tell me they are on the case. Again, I feel this lost something in translation as we haven't lost the case...
We are again having to deal with NASA trying to take credit for the superb moon witnessed over London recently. Look guys face it, we don't need your help to create magic.
However, it seems I must end on a cautionary note...
As a consequence of our last post, concerns were raised that our secret involvement in THE assassination of the 20th century has been discovered, I expressed the hope that this would be the last embarrassing revelation for sometime. Obviously our mole in Whitehall - one Chocolate Brown of the FO has not been listening - as I understand this photo is doing the rounds... HEADS ARE ROLLING, I CAN ASSURE YOU.
You just can't trust anyone these days. I suppose one can hope that we may be able to palm it off on that well known mass murderer one JB Fletcher, or those relative newcomers - the Barnaby Cousins..
We shall see.
As always,
until the Next Time
Rover and Out
I finally find the ideal candidate for head of R&D and what happens? He's already a "guest" of @mrcessna. Negotiations began: but as always we hit a snag, when his reasonable demands for penguins, involve @olsenHalkier heading off in the 107 for Oslo Zoo, only to find out that they don't fit in the boot. Further complications ensued when some operatives in Blighty set off for London Zoo - only to find that the keepers were in the middle of their annual count and weighing. It's going to be tough getting our quarry out without them noticing. I have offered a giant turtle as a temporary peace offering. But all @mrcessna asks is - is he tall enough? He's a damned giant turtle, for crying out loud. 
