Sunday 27 May 2012

The Last of Mild May

Contrary to popular opinion, #SPECTRE cares deeply.

 Firstly, @battydash ensured her operatives have received their regulation pedicures and manicures after their latest mission.


More importantly, we here at HQ have been toiling tirelessly to ensure that our Weather Machine  is working accurately: thus giving all Operatives the weather they desire.

It is tough work. @The_Tardis_Toms felt we had the machine stuck on extra hot, and @corvusfluff had kittens (difficult at the best of times - even more so when you're a crow). And there were fears that we'd never get  the device going again and we'd have to take the thing back to Argos. Fortunately, a small breeze eventually appeared, which was good, as by then Accounts were in a flap. They couldn't find the receipt. 
And you know the rule. 
No receipt. No return. 
And I can assure you all... heads would have rolled had we not been either to get it working or take it back to the shop.


The department of sleight of hand sent word that NASA has been trying to steal our thunder. Apparantly NASA convinced @Prof_BrianCocks that they were responsible for placing the moon. We thank him for this picture but feel it necessary to set the record straight, that this is all #SPECTRE's doing...

.


Negotiations for the site of our telescope array continue. It was a little hairy at times especially as #SPECTRE Head of Translations (and Nordic liaison officer) - @Neslook didn't know the Suffolk for "telescope array." But we bumbled through. I can't of course state where our array will be housed. Unlike our human counterparts who can't keep quiet about their array's location. #SPECTRE knows the danger of blowing its own trumpet.


Talking of blowing up, @CaptainLimey was reminded that  Laser Cannons can only be fired after twelve noon. As many of you will no doubt remember - this law was enacted after the last time the good captain had a party of his Operatives at #CLENCH HQ. His mitigating argument that Stevenage looks so much better; whilst true, did not hold sway with the judge! And we would have been derelict in our duty had we not reminded him of the ruling at the first opportunity.

On a positive note, we have received word from our allies the Dragons, in the form of @llechiDragon- who has been visiting Mount Snowdon and keeping it company lest it got lonely. From what Llechi says it's a tough life being a mountain. Until we hear to the contrary, we feel our dragon ally is the only expert in this field. Word has also been received from @beany_z that all is well north of the border. This is indeed pleasing, for we know that our Scots allies are approaching their busy season.

This is especially pleasing given the news from Azerbaijan...
 
Head of Nordic Division @OlsenHalkier was leading #SPECTRE's attempts to influence the Eurovision outcome. Our pickled Herring Factory sprang into action as we threw our energies behind the Russian Grannies. Alas - even with threatened subsidence (caused by storing the herring) - we were unable to bribe enough judges. The Herring Factory has been given Notice to Improve by our Team of Inspectors.


Our Team of Inspectors has been busy and #SPECTRE is pleased to announce that our ally @poringlandoak passed its initial inspection and was awarded  a certificate to prove it.





Obviously further - undercover inspections will be necessary to ensure that our Ally remains true to the tennants that are: #Operationweekend.

Until next time
Rover and Out


Thursday 17 May 2012

Mystery Solved

Quick Update  for those of you who care to know about these things:

 @wallewallewalle - of Pinata stick and party fame - has announced her engagement. On hearing the news, us cats here at SPECTRE yawned. Well there's no point peaking too early! 

@hutchinsondave - our Cat in the Human World has received a stunning review for his short story Lord Huw And The Romance of Stone. Read the review
 at http://blackabyss.co.uk/2012/05/16/lord-huw-and-the-romance-of-stone-by-dave-hutchinson/ 

then get the ebook:  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lord-Huw-Romance-Stone-ebook/dp/B007WKFJL6/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1337287761&sr=1-1




We note,with a sense of impending doom, that Head of Nordic Division: @OlsenHalkier found out that the Penguins were insinuating themselves with @HenrikHalkier in order to steal some china. We didn't ask because:


ON A FAR MORE IMPORTANT NOTE @WhitstableCat has confirmed that the Peruvian Bear is a member of their division. This is good news as Operative Molly of @fordthecat and @misskittypaws has taken the young chap under her wing and is currently training him in the ways of "forward roll".


We here at HQ are glad this matter has been cleared up.  We were beginning to be  seriously concerned with some of the  outfits being designed by the undercover division...



 Hopefully a line may be drawn under this matter, and we can get on with our real plans


The take over of the world via #operationweekend




Until next time,


Rover and Out




Wednesday 16 May 2012

Update Wednesday 16 May 02:45

Last week was chaos here at SPECTRE HQ with Operative Molly - of @Miss_kittypaws and @fordthecat fame - apprehending a small Peruvian Bear. Despite notification going out on all channels - no operatives or allies claimed (OR EVEN OWNED UP) to being behind this new arrival. Consequently we are still treating this marmalade eater with suspicion. Please check this photo fit carefully. If you can shred light on the matter. SPECTRE wants to hear from you.


What did come to light was an influx of penguins at our Nordic Division. Rumour has it they wanted payment in Herring, but for what we do not know. Every time anyone asks @olsenhalkier, he spits feathers. As for the penguins they have not made their demands public.

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2012/01/27/funny-pictures-gifs-suitcase-top-hat-penguin/
 
 Rain and other water related items:

After much investigation it appears that the deluge we are suffering from at the moment is the result of a misunderstanding. May  I remind Operatives - especially - @corvusfluff that the Rain Machine is NOT A TOY!

On a lighter note: Department Z have announced that the underwater survival suits are available for testing. I would like to say that Operatives have been fighting amongst themselves to be the first to test them. I would like to say many things. But alas it would not be true - although  to be fair @mrcessna head of Underwater Division jumped at the chance for the usual payment of Prawns! @Eris_Darwen_Cat was up for trying the suits  - providing they had water wings and  @battydash volunteered the dog. 


Ho Hum!!!


 However, the Vans- @bluebellstweets have offered her long wheelbaseness to the cause. And @GreyCatOfficial proved that there's nothing like preparation. I say nothing...


Department Developments worthy of mention include:


Undercover Cat - @hutchinsondave, who has been doing decorating. He indicates that this may be an ideal way of ensuring human grumpiness. He plans further excursions along these lines, so we await further reports.




@doug1tux1 revealed plans for undercover assassins. We commend his idea and have sent prawns to develop it further.

While SPECTRE stalwart @sgt_fang proves that you should never judge an operative by his looks, though @callimund obviously has as she is reminded immediately of Johnny Depp

On a nearly final note, welcome to all new Operatives, Allies and Associates. We look forward to the ways you will assist us in our plans for world domination. It is also pleasing to welcome back @munkiechild - who is taking up the post of SPECTRE HISTORIAN.


My final comment of the post goes to @CaptainLimey of CLENCH - who is having issues with Citronella. He claims it violates the Geneva Convention. I would like to point out, that if his smell issues continue he may need to rename his organisation STENCH, although I feel that this may lead to litigation..


Until next time, keep your plans for Operation Weekend coming in...


Rover and Out






Wednesday 9 May 2012

Peruvian Bears and Other Stories:

Operative Molly of @fordthecat and @misskittypaws has completed her first outdoor mission having donned protective clothing and other such covert items. It appears to have been successful!


Upon her return it seems she discovered a Peruvian Bear, complete with Marmalade sandwiches and dressed in a blue duffle coat, black wellies and a large red hat.

Despite extensive searching no Operatives or Allies have claimed ownership. @ Sharpcoupe claims he doesn't have the room. And with his Laser Guided Shark Tank activities we can quite see why this could be the case.

@Beany_Z sent word that all their bears are from the UK except the two from China - who are accounted for and have papers; and a chap called Peanut Bearter who claims US citizenship. Exactly!
@battydash reported that all Operatives are present at the Dash base.  So we are no further forward finding the owner of this bear!



Word has not been received from all Operatives and so we shall keep you informed -  as soon as updates are received.


Our trusty pub @poringlandoak - reports that plans for their charity quiz night continue apace. I am not sure that charity really fits in with SPECTRE's mission statement. But it's good to see that Ally pub has a hobby to alleviate the pressure of organising Operation Weekend.


Talking of which our undercover cat @hutchinsondave reported his irritation with the human race, wondering why they take up the bank holiday Monday queuing to get into the TIP. We have frequently wondered the same thing, but are no nearer fathoming this strange creature -humanity - out!


For the moment:


Rover and Out

Thursday 3 May 2012

A BUSY WEEK

 It's been a busy week. 

@Impyfan, has told us that he is currently on the run in Weymouth. I feel that this is a bit of a mixed blessing. Weymouth is no Las Vegas, but given it has stopped raining, one feels that his choice may have some merit. 

Young Operative Molly contacted us via @miss_kittypaws to pass on an important message. unfortunately none of our operatives seemed to be able to use their Enigma Devices correctly and so chaos ensued. @Manxboy had issues with paws declaring the reply was TUNS correction TUNA. @Callimund lost the plot completely. I feel re-education maybe necessary especially if the fixation with Skippy the Kangaroo continues!

@SharpCoupe has been responsible for all fixing of the Soap Awards, and reports that his bookie dealings will soon allow us to buy a laser Canon. Pleasing news. 

 Less pleasing is the word from @_HJEmilio. This ally of #SPECTRE: supposedly on a top secret mission to a 'hotel" has made such strenuous denials about NOT going to play bingo that we feel he was seriously lying. Watchout for any reference to House, 2 fat ladies and Legs Eleven in his tweets this weekend!


which brings us to early news of #Operationweekend.  @littlekatmum has reported that she is ready to attack which is really useful as this is a four day operation and so much planning will be needed to ensure success.


Rest assured, as we receive information, you will be the first to know...


Rover and Out

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Heads will roll

Part of me remains concerned that despite intensive training on decoding Operatives cannot agree on what Operative Molly AKA Thunder Paws secret message was about. Would you all please set your ENIGMA MACHINES to the same page!!!!

Rover and out